I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The air taste purple.
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