You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
