Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
