Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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