if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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