Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
