Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
