An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
