Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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