I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize