peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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