At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
