I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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