Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
