Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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