So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
