I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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