how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize