Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize