So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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