but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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