walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
