was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How does it feel to date your dad?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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