It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
