She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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