I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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