u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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