Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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