I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
