Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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