I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
