respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize