I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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