I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
