I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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