i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Jerry, you need to find god
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
