A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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