Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize