I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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