somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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