just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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