He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
