She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize