nut hugger
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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