i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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