the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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