I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
