the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
