Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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