Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
