her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Randomize
