My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
