Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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