Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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