think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
