We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
