the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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