So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
