it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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