I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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