I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
