So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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