She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
