Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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