so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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