You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
