I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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